Hot Topic : Cutting

 God Can Heal a Cutter’s Cry for Help

By Christina Ryan Claypool

“There is no new thing under the sun,” records the Book of Ecclesiastes. So, it is with cutting, a little talked-about self-injurious behavior. “Self-injury is the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting…[it] is an unhealthy effort to cope with negative emotions..” according to MayoClinic.com.

 How should believers equip themselves to address this growing problem? To explain, “Millions of teens are involved in self-destructive behavior,” according to a March 2007 article by Susie Shellenberger in Focus on the Family Magazine. Some experts estimate that about 75% of self-mutilators are female, but males cut, too. Sadly this behavior hits closer to home than we would like to admit.

At church services and Christian ladies meeting where I speak, there is sometimes a mom asking prayer for a daughter who cuts, or a friend worried about a teenage friend who cuts. Infrequently a cutter herself comes to the altar for prayer. Of course, she doesn’t reveal she cuts, she just cries and hangs her head and wears long sleeves regardless of the temperature.

However, I recognize her, because my own left arm bears the scars from once raw razor blade slashes made four decades ago as a hopeless teenager. “People who hurt themselves are denying the truth that they are God’s handiwork. They believe they’re useless; they feel they have no significance because someone has used or disregarded them. They’re unaware of the greater purpose God has for them,” writes Focus on the Family’s Shellenberger.

Besides, when you are hurting traumatically on the inside, whether from past abuse or perfectionism, it can seem your only release from the emotional pain is to hurt yourself on the outside. Research has even indicated that the chemicals released during cutting have an analgesic property temporarily giving the victim a feeling of calm.

Cutting is mentioned several times in the Old Testament. For example, Leviticus 19:28 says, “You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead.” In his Explanatory notes, John Wesley explains, “Cuttings in your flesh – which the Gentiles did both in the worship of their idols, and in their solemn mournings.” While, Deuteronomy 14:1 states, “You are the sons of God you shall not cut yourselves...”

 Apparently, thousands of years ago, God didn’t want his children to cut themselves anymore, than He does today.  Yet Jesus once said, “They that are whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.” [Luke 5:31]

 Jesus didn’t come to condemn the world, rather to save the world, and sometimes we must be saved from ourselves. Coping techniques, like cutting and other self destructive behaviors including eating disorders and drug and alcohol abuse can eventually become deadly addictions.

God can free people miraculously when we pray, but He normatively uses a gradual pathway of freedom from habitual/addictive behaviors. For example, Dr. Thomas Holmes of Covenant Ministry Services, a Christian Counseling Center in Lima, Ohio, suggests that those addicted to self injury wear rubber bands on their wrists.

When the temptation to cut [or to engage in another self-destructive behavior] becomes intense, Dr. Holmes suggests simply snapping the rubber band. Although, this will temporarily create a minimal amount of pain, it will also cause the person tempted to regain control. Combining this technique with Christian counseling, and praying for God’s intervention, along with accountability to a spiritual mentor can be helpful in battling self-injurious behaviors.  

A valuable Website for information and support about self-destructive issues, along with depression and suicide can be found at www.twloha.com. [To Write Love on Her Arms] 

Susie Shellenberger’s list of suggestions for ministering to those struggling includes to: 1) love the hurting teen, 2) encourage him or her to get professional help, 3) get together for a weekly Bible study, 4) encourage journaling, 5) pray, 6) never condemn, and 7) avoid directing attention to the physical scars. Please refer to more Focus on the Family resources at http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_challenges/cutting_and_selfinjury.aspx

After all, the physical scars are only a reminder of the deeper emotional pain that troubled teen is battling. If you or someone you love is self-injuring, remember there is hope in the God who can do anything but fail. But you have to take the first step, and be honest about needing His help.

Please refer to Focus on the Family Ministries at www.focusonthefamily.com for more information about all family issues.

Hot Topic: 

Thankful for the Gift of More Time

 By Christina Ryan Claypool

 “It wasn’t your time,” the Lima body shop technician said matter-of-factly surveying my husband’s wrecked car. As Nate, whose name was embroidered on his work shirt, began wrapping the totaled vehicle with clear plastic; I dutifully gathered my personal possessions.

 Just days before, the black sedan’s pristine finish glistened in the spring sunshine. Now, what was left of the car was a reminder of how blessed I had been to survive. 

 “It wasn’t your time,” was the twenty-something auto-technician’s advice on how to conquer the anxiety about driving that my 2008 accident created. I often think of Nate’s simple theology.

 After all, his statement reminded me of something German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer once wrote in his Letters and Papers from Prison, “We all have our appointed hour of death, and it will always find us wherever we go. And we must be ready for it.”

 Bonhoeffer was a Lutheran pastor who refused to sit idly by as Adolph Hitler killed millions of Jewish citizens during World War II. Instead the German leader joined a movement to have Hitler assassinated, which resulted in his 1943 imprisonment. Bonhoeffer’s own appointed hour of death occurred in 1945, when at only 39 years of age he was hanged at the Flossenburg concentration camp.

I’m not comparing my situation to the slain scholar’s, because I felt blessed to be alive that April afternoon. In explanation, a few days earlier while driving in heavy four-lane traffic, I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw a car rapidly approaching. My frantic mind quickly realized that there was nothing I could do. Suddenly, I heard the sickening sound of crunching metal, and felt the forceful impact that propelled me forward quite a distance.

 Miraculously, there was no vehicle directly ahead, nor had I been pushed into an adjoining lane. Momentarily dazed, I gratefully assessed that my injuries were non-life-threatening, although they would require a trip to the hospital.

 The young man whose vehicle’s front end had connected with my husband’s demolished back end assured me that he was ok, too. We can always get new cars, but we can’t replace precious people.

 Thankfully, I knew my husband agreed with my practical view of totaled automobiles, since I just “happened” to borrow his car that day. Larry’s vehicle “was” proven to prevent injuries in crash tests. It lived up to its promise, even though it resembled a folded accordion after the wreck.

 When dressing the morning of the accident, my treasured angel pin, a gift from late Jewish Holocaust survivor, Elisabeth Sondheimer, seemed to sparkle warningly as it fell to my bedroom floor. Then before leaving, my normally rushed school administrator spouse stopped uncharacteristically to put his arms around me and say a quick prayer.

 I had also placed an antique picture of Jesus standing behind a sailor who is navigating a ship’s wooden wheel in the car behind the driver’s seat that day. The portrait depicts the Jewish carpenter with one hand lovingly resting on the young seamen’s shoulder and the other arm extended, pointing him in the direction he needs to go amidst the turbulent seas.

I had taken the inspirational artwork to give to a colleague who was encountering some personal rough seas of his own. When cleaning the car out, I found the glass and wooden framed picture undamaged while Nate was sharing his wise advice about it not being my time. After the wreck, I couldn’t bear to part with the portrait, so I hung it prominently in our home.

 The borrowed car, the angel pin, my husband’s spontaneous prayer, and the antique picture are all reminders of my own belief that God is always in control, even when life seems randomly chaotic. However, my greatest blessing was the fact that it wasn’t my “appointed hour of death” as Bonhoeffer once taught. Because someday, death “will find me,” just as it finds us all, since nobody gets out of here alive.

 If you disagree with Nate, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and me, perhaps you will like the wisdom in the song lyrics of the hit, It’s Not My Time by rockers, 3 Doors Down. “My friend, this life we live is not what we have, it’s what we believe. And it’s not my time. I’m not going ….”

 Hopefully, you and I are not going today. For now, we’ve all been granted the precious opportunity to spend more time with those we love, and to finish our work on this Earth.

 This column originally appeared in the Kenton Times in October 2010. 

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 The Healing Power of an Apology

  Wronged World War II Veteran finally receives an Apology

by Christina Ryan Claypool

 Whenever we celebrate Veteran's Day, I am always reminded of the importance of thanking a veteran. After all, the Bible tells us of the sacrifices of military life, “Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Jesus Christ.” II Timothy 2: 3

 Yet World War II veteran Samuel Snow didn’t want a “thank you.” Instead the falsely accused soldier waited for more than six decades to receive a formal apology. In July of 2008, 84-year-old Snow refused to let questionable health stop him from traveling from his Florida home to Seattle to receive the apology and an honorable Army discharge. 

 Then just hours later, he died peacefully in a Seattle hospital. In 1944, Snow was one of twenty-eight African American soldiers wrongly convicted of rioting charges resulting in the death of an Italian Prisoner of War. In his book, On American Soil: How Justice Became a Casualty of World War II, author Jack Hamann pointed to “serious flaws” in the prosecution of the case. 

According to Seattle Times staff reporter, Sandi Doughton, “Hamann championed the cause of the black GIs. His investigation cast suspicion on a white military policeman, now dead, as the prime suspect in the murder of the Italian soldier.”

After Snow’s conviction, he spent 15 months in a military prison and received a dishonorable discharge, which greatly altered his life opportunities. His son, Ray, said it became his father’s “mission” to obtain official documentation regarding his innocence.

Like Snow, long ago as a young woman I spent years waiting for an apology from an individual responsible for a deeply hurtful offense, which negatively changed my own life. Obsessed with the unfairness of my circumstances and the lack of justice, I definitely became bitter instead of better for a long time. It took me decades to realize that some folks never say, “I’m sorry,” steadfastly refusing to accept responsibility for their wrongdoing.

Besides, in our lawsuit happy society where blame must be readily placed, the power of apology has been somewhat lost due to the fear of life-altering consequences. However, my perspective has been profoundly impacted by years of studying scriptural teachings that outline the principle of asking for and extending forgiveness in the light of offense.

Yet the method we use to apologize can contribute to whether that apology will be accepted. In the book, The Five Languages of Apology, it becomes readily apparent that words of apology can be just as confusing as words of love. Co-authored by Dr. Gary Chapman who also wrote the New York Times Christian Bestseller, The Five Love Languages, the book’scover explains that “Sometimes, saying, ‘I’m sorry,’ just isn’t enough.”

Chapman and co-author, Dr. Jennifer Thomas, believe that there are people who have been wronged who need to hear the offender not only confess their regret, but also accept responsibility for their actions. For example, in one episode of the former CBS series Touched by an Angel, the angel Tess played by Della Reese confronts an unfaithful husband trying to explain away his marital indiscretion. The in-your-face angel dismissed the straying husband’s excuses with the words, “There can be no buts when you ask for forgiveness, Baby! No conditions.”

“Making restitution” or “genuinely repenting” by asking, “What can I do to make it right?” might also be necessary if either of these are the wounded person’s language of apology according  to Chapman and Thomas. Finally, the authors believe that the need to request forgiveness is the “primary apology language” for those who need to hear the words, “Will you please forgive me?”  

Whatever form it takes, it is the power of a sincere apology, which can be healing. Reading Snow’s story, a 2002 verbal apology by an Army major general just wasn’t enough. That is why the ailing serviceman traveled cross-country to attend the ceremony honoring him and the 27 other falsely accused GIs.

The veteran needed his dignity restored with honorable discharge papers before he could die a tranquil death. Like every dedicated soldier with his mission finally accomplished, I’m hopeful that Snow is now resting in peace enjoying a hero’s reward.

After all, a soldier doesn’t leave his post until his mission is completed. “No one serving as a soldier gets involved in Civilian affairs – he wants to please his commanding officer.” II Timothy 2: 4 NIV

Our mission as believers is to serve Jesus Christ. We won’t be released from our duty, until like Samuel Snow; we are called to our heavenly home.

Christina Ryan Claypool is a freelance journalist and evangelistic speaker. This article was originally published in The Kenton Times, in Nov. 2009. 

We would like to acknowledge and thank, Dr. Gary Chapman/ Dr. Jennifer Thomas for their groundbreaking book, The Five Languages of Apology, which was referred to throughout the column. Well-known for his bestseller, The 5 Love Languages, Chapman is a must-read for anyone desiring healthy relationships.  

Recommended Books:

The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas 

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman  

  For more information:

www.5lovelanguages.com